I pen this note to convey my appreciation to people with whom I have recently formed meaningful connections, including those with whom I may cross paths in the future.
We only established a relationship on 17 January 2024, but her impact on me has been profoundly meaningful. I am grateful she took a chance on me and I am grateful, too, that she saw in me a welcoming spirit to criticism.
She inspired this note.
For colleagues and friends, in present and in future: if I’ve wronged you, please look past my shortcomings. Know that my intention is never to sever our relationship. I would hope, too, that if ever you encounter any of my shortcomings, you’d but see them as someone who tries very hard to stay focused on the work we’re meant to achieve and the vulnerable people – and children, above all – we are to serve. If my shortcomings have been too much to absorb, I sincerely thank you for making an attempt to seeing past them.
A Reminder
At the start of any (meaningful) relationship, conflict is the only certainty – the point is not only to acknowledge this fact of life but to embrace it. From when a person responds (to your shortcomings) to when you receive it, you have an important choice to make.
Which will it be?
The Context
A few weeks after our meeting on 17 January, I had sent her a follow-up email about introducing me to the head of an organisation doing seemingly good work in West Asia.
My email:
Just dropping this (email) here so as to not forget about making an intro in the near future, (name)! Thank you, Michael
Forget the fact that I have this incessant drive to complete as much meaningful work as is possible in any given day.
Forget the fact that I’ve had – and still have – my fair share of people who talk ad nauseam without backing up what they say with something tangible on the ground.
Forget, too, that I’ve had my fair share of unbalanced relationships – those that extract and extract without any meaningful contributions.
Forget the fact that I forget that people, too, have their own workloads, stresses, and are limited by time.
Forget, my shortcomings.
To me, her reply was a beautiful reminder to slow down and not lose focus of what’s important.
She wrote:
Hi Michael, just to say, I’m quite busy these days as well, what with my current work at 150% for the next two months – in general, I’m always happy to help and/or make introductions where appropriate, but I feel like I don’t have enough information somehow about what exactly you want from (name). I’d be more comfortable if you could think about what specific reason you wish to be introduced and then let me know…I don’t want to bother the guy with random introductions without clear context! If you want to write a little paragraph with your request that I could insert in my eventual email, that would be even better…
P.S. Also, considering that I’m not your employee here, a “please” or similar wording could be a nice addition to consider for any future request…your email sorta comes off like an order, even though I’m sure that’s not how you intended it…thanks in advance!
My reply:
Oh, I can see how that might come off – particularly how we’re still getting to know each other. I’m sorry about that, (name). Sometimes I’m hyper-focused on being efficient that I forget the essentials. Thank you so much for pointing this out.
Yes, absolutely understand re: all of what you said. Will provide that at some point.
I appreciate you.
Under normal circumstances, I would have provided her a more detailed ask of what it is I hope to achieve from an introductory meeting. I, too, would have been more circumspect about how I’m communicating. My shortcomings got the best of me.
Thank you for seeing past my shortcomings, friend (you know who you are).
What I learned
1. Everyone is under pressure. Remember to relax.
2. Be patient – impact doesn’t happen overnight.
3. If I am going to ask something of someone, simplify for them the task – lighten their load. Be specific. And don’t forget to be polite -‘please’ and ‘thank you’.
4. Invest in those people who are able and willing to see past my shortcomings. These are the people who realise that it isn’t about me or them. It is about working towards something much larger than ourselves. Keep them close.
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